It takes a lot of expectation to create disappointment.
Relationships is a large basket holding one of the four major issues people come to discuss; smoking, weight and stress are the other three. Getting through, over or finding a new relationship is a painful process because it is built on expectation and falling short the result is disappointment, feelings of sadness and loss.
From our earliest beginnings we start developing expectations, when we cried and someone came to feed us the expectation of that arrangement began to form. What really fouls us up is when the arrangement is hit or miss; we cry and sometimes help comes, does not, is unsatisfactory, painful or unfulfilling. Amazingly we often act like a simple heat seeking missile, seeking the warmth we repeatedly ignore the cold to get back to what we had liked. It is expectation that keeps us going back to the well.
As a young guy I had a buddy, Jim, who was extraordinarily lucky in meeting a new woman whenever we went out. I asked him about it one night and he said it was not that he was lucky it was that he was persistent. He said that he knew he would be rejected nine times out of ten, he just needed to wait for the tenth; expectation. Most of us find rejection difficult, we become self deprecating, blame ourselves for being too tall, short, skinny, fat, dressed wrong, look wrong… hopeless. Jim adjusted expectation knowing that acceptance was just around the corner.
That old heat seeking missile was one dimensional; it only sought one signal. Today’s rockets judge speed, movement pattern, all sorts of other signals; it learns from its behavior. Adjusting expectation by reality checking makes all the difference. Expecting a mate to behave differently than before, to continue to wait for what has never been given, to attempt to give what you do not have to give is repeating behavior that has been unsuccessful; it ignores reality and results in disappointment.
Knowing what we truly want, learning from our experiences so as to adjust our behavior, reduces frustration, sadness and feelings of disappointment.
Wellspring Hypnosis, LLC
1400 East Oakland Park Boulevard
Oakland Park, FL 33334